i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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