Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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