matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
