This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think a kid would responsible me up
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
