I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My ass is underappreciated
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
