apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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