her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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