Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
