My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
