I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
