And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
