New invention idea: vibrating tampons
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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