captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
