i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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