Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
