Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
