im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
