If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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