all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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