Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
