I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
