gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
