Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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