To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
