I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
