i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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