The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
