i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
