We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
