Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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