yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
