WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
