You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
