How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
