feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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