There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
