I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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