This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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