i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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