So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
