Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
