u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
