i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
