THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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