Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
