But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
