i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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