we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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