i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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