You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize