My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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