I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
