i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
