ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
