I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Everything about him screamed your future.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
