nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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