oh god the rape fog is back!
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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