Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
