So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
