But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
