the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize