Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
