Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
