im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
