I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
