he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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