apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
