She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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